


Advice

by tveckling



Category: Romeo And Juliet - All Media Types
Genre: Ass-ness runs in the family, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-24 16:13:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10745190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tveckling/pseuds/tveckling
Summary: Written for the prompt "you don't care, nobody cares, just leave."





	Advice

If anyone had asked him Mercutio would have said he was just wandering around, letting the air fresh up his head, and that he just happened upon Paris. Of course, since Paris had specifically hid himself away in a corner of the garden so no one would find him it would have been an obvious lie for those who knew it. Since Mercutio was the only one who found him, however, there wasn’t anyone who knew. 

“Ah, so this is where you have been sulking.” Mercutio grinned and dropped down on the ground next to his cousin. It would have shocked many people to see the vain count sitting directly on the grass, not caring about the state of his clothes. 

“Go away,” Paris muttered, not deigning to look at Mercutio. 

“I did go away, so I came here. That was the obligatory ‘once per day request that I will obey’ so I won’t even pretend to listen to you.” Mercutio took a pointedly long sip from his goblet. 

“You don’t care,” Paris sneered, agitatedly waving one hand and barely missing Mercutio’s head. “Nobody cares! So just leave.”

“Mm, no, not going to do that. I happen to have time on my hands, so here I am to let you tell me all about what has gotten you into such low spirits.”

Paris turned a dark glare on him, but Mercutio just raised his eyebrows and drank from his goblet again. His look turning even darker Paris grabbed the drink and emptied it. Busy as he was he didn’t see Mercutio smirk. 

“Can this be about the unfortunate affair of your marriage-that-never-was with the young Montague bride?” Mercutio leaned back on his elbows and watched his cousin with idle interest. 

“She was supposed to be my wife!” Paris growled and glared at the goblet in his hands. “I would have been good to her, given her all she wanted—jewelry and dresses befitting of her beauty, servants to obey her every wish, all the respect that comes from being a Countess and relative of a Prince. I would have treated her good.”

Mercutio hummed, crossed his legs and wiggled his foot. “And what if that wasn’t what she wanted?” he suggested in a light tone. “Which, as it turns out, it wasn’t. You meant good, cousin, but the lady wasn’t interested in what you had to offer. She wanted more, she wanted love.”

“I would have loved her,” Paris muttered, but his earlier anger had slipped out of his voice. “I would have!”

“Maybe. But tell me honestly: do you think she would have loved you?”

“I’m sure eventually…” 

“Paris. Cousin. Dearest, miraculous, dense cousin. Listen here, listen.” Mercutio sat up again and took the goblet from Paris, thereby making sure he had his cousin’s full attention. “She would have been miserable. You’re almost old enough to be her father; do you think that wouldn’t have mattered? And don’t give me any nice words about ‘love’ or ‘time’. If time would have mattered so much, shouldn’t you just have waited until she was older to propose?” Mercutio laid down again with a sigh. “I know you’re incompetent with women, but it really doesn’t suit you to try and snare a girl instead.”

“How dare- I didn’t-”

“Oh shush,” Mercutio waved at Paris’ furious face. “I know that’s not how you were thinking; you’re too, ugh, thoughtful for that. But for those of us who knows you, that’s what we have seen. Be glad for how it ended instead. Juliet gets to be happy and I finally don’t have to deal with a broken-hearted Romeo any longer.”

“And how has this ended well for me?” Paris sighed and looked down on his hands, looking so forlorn that Mercutio wished there was alcohol in the goblet so he could threw it over him.

“Well, dear cousin, it’s simple. This has made it absolutely clear that you need a teacher in how to woo a wife.” Mercutio grinned, sensing Paris’ curiosity and dread. “And there is no one finer at wooing any woman—or man, you should really try out both—you have set your eye on. It can’t be that hard to get them to marry you after, now can it?” 

Ignoring Paris’ doubtful look Mercutio looked up at the dark sky and started planning.


End file.
